Hope for families living with Eating Disorders

Recently, I arranged to meet with Hazel, the leader of the New ID Course. I wanted to explore with her what families can do at home to help a child suffering from disordered eating.

Since the onset of the coronavirus pandemic, figures indicate that inpatient Admissions of children under 17 for eating disorders have seen a 41% increase in 2021 and forecast an even greater influx in 2022. Families seeking treatment for a child, reported extended waiting times as the NHS fights to keep up with the rising demand. These wait time pose a frightening dilemma for families supporting a young person, as overstretched community care services can be equally as hard to access. Many parent’s feel powerless and at a loss to know what to do when problem eating begins to affect their own families.

There is hope

Hazel tells me that though these issues run deep in the hearts and minds of sufferers, there is support. Restrictive eating patterns can be broken. As someone who recovered from anorexia in her twenties, she went on to share with me her experience as a young woman, and how she was able to overcome the condition that had such a profound effect on her mind set.

“I was Anorexic in my teens and early twenties, I was never hospitalised. my mother didn’t know what to do, until eventually she took me to the GP. In those days they sat behind a big desk, I mean this was a long time ago. They sat me down and asked, “why have you stopped eating?” I had lost a lot of weight. I didn’t know what to say; what do you say? so basically, I suggested it was all the work at school. I was doing four A-levels, When I returned to school, I discovered they had taken me off one of them. Without being asked, I was really upset about that, because I could have done it. It wasn’t fundamentally the work at school, and I wasn’t given any help at all, that was it, end of conversation. It wasn’t until years later that I started to pursue some counselling.”

Ways of supporting your child

We discussed the how forming a strong sense of identity was important but Hazel’s view was that teenagers are only beginning to exercise autonomy in their lives, it can take time and practice to make healthy choices. It can be discouraging if your child suffers a relapse during recovery, but this is very common, and part of the process.

As parents there is an opportunity to shape a strong identity in our children by helping them to feel secure in who they are. Here are three recommendations from Hazel:

Be cautious not to trade praise for high achievement or withhold praise if their performance suffers; we praise who they are as a person, enjoying their company and encouraging their strengths. Every child is unique and paying special attention to the qualities in their character can be a way of affirming our children, are they kind, funny, a good friend, creative or independent? Encourage these things. When a child knows they are accepted, safe and significant, they will be far less likely to give in to peer pressure to be thin or look a certain way in order to feel accepted. We want to bless our children and the adults they will become one day.
Make time for social activities. Taking time with your children enriches family life. It brings balance and restores hope and reminds you of what is important. It doesn’t matter what you do - creative projects, art, enjoying films together, games or outdoor pursuits - just do it together! Hazel remembers her mother making special time to teach her how to cook, not only did it give her a new skill but was quality time spent in each other’s company ( be aware around activities that might trigger your child).
Monitor Social Media. We need to be especially mindful of the online content that our children have access to, help them to avoid places online that may promote unsafe eating and exercise. Taking breaks from social media can be helpful.

“Anorexia is not an absence of appetite

Your body is craving food, but you need to feel in control.”

Caring for a child with an eating disorder can be a frightening and exhausting experience, be kind to yourself; remembering that recovery can be a long process. Seek professional help and reassure your child that you will be with them if they are worried about talking to a doctor. Early intervention is key to recovery, and to preventing serious illness. Keep the channels of communication open as much as possible from an early age so that the child knows they can always talk to their parents.

“Every time there was a crisis or something I was anxious about, I’d stop eating .”

At the time neither Hazel or her parents had any real understanding of what was happening to her. Hazel sought counselling in later years and began to go on a journey of healing and recovery. She eventually took part in the New ID course, she has gone on to make a full recovery from Anorexia and has spent many years helping others to find freedom from disordered eating habits. Her recovery is a sign of hope to us when the statistic forecasts appear bleak. I want to express my gratitude to Hazel for sharing her personal experience with Anorexia and giving us an insight into the often-hidden suffering that eating disorders cause.

Excerpt from ‘My Real Recovery from Anorexia’

“For All Who Hunger

Eating disorders can feel like religion. They define our humanity, give us identity, and dictate our worship. They have their own rules and rituals, and they promise rescue from sin. But compare their laws to the real good news:
Eating disorders say, “Try harder, do more, fix it yourself.” Gospel repentance says, “It’s not about anything you can do — it’s about what Jesus has already done.” On the cross, he paid for all of the ways we try to feed and fix ourselves. We strive for a new identity and name. But Jesus gives us his own.

“I hadn’t relapsed for a long time, so I thought I was over it. I did the New ID Course and realised, oh my goodness; the mindset is still there, I recognised it immediately. For the first time I could see it for what it was, and I didn’t want to do that again, I had to give it over to God, and then I was completely free.”

For many young people, breakthrough comes in recognising the things inside themselves that make them vulnerable to these disorders, talking therapies can lead to a place of acceptance, and in Hazel’s case, her faith in God helped her to move forward with peace.

“God is leading you away from danger….to a place free from distress.
He is setting your table with the best food.
Job 36: 16

Recommended further reading: Insight into Eating Disorders (Waverley Abbey Insight Series) Helena Wilkinson. If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, you can find details of organisations who can help on our resource page. ( Young Minds Parents Helpline )

Contributors: Ash Chambers and Hazel.