Health is an investment

As we navigate the current cost of living crisis, our finances are on the agenda. In this article Jonathan asks the question: “Are you investing enough in your mental and emotional health?”

Health is an investment.

Physical, spiritual, and mental health require a step towards strengthening them. From my experience, I have found that physical and spiritual are easier steps because I can physically grab an object to help me achieve those goals. I know that running or cycling will help me achieve a healthier body. Praying and scripture reading help me reach spiritual growth. But mental health? Well that’s quite a bit different because it all seems to be in my mind with no real ‘object’ to achieve growth. 

But mental health is apart of a complete health, and it’s equally important. It is an investment that requires a risk. The risk, for me, is not necessarily monetary, though it could be. The risk for me is not wondering how I will care for my mental health. The greatest risk for me is trust. Who do I trust to tell about my desire to care for my mental health? Trust is one of the strongest currencies in the world. A few years ago I realised the severity of my mental health struggle, and I realised very quickly that I had to take a step towards achieving mental wholeness which required a great deal of trust. Let me share how that happened.

A few years ago, just before the pandemic, I noticed a growing gap between what I was doing and what I wanted to do.

There was truly incongruence in my life with a less forgiving gap. My vocational calling did not seem to align with my heart’s calling, and this left me with a constant wondering thought. Had I missed my true calling? Will I be stuck in this career for the rest of my life? Living in these thoughts felt like I was living a sentence that I could never escape, and the thought completely left me feeling like nothing more than biological matter. 

Of course, there were many other details that coincided with the ever widening chasm and incongruence, but the greatest stressor was probably feeling trapped in a vocation that felt limiting to my known potential. It was death, and I lived like it.

“What if I wasn’t here anymore?”

Every once in a while I had a short thought: “What if I wasn’t here anymore?” I didn’t dwell on this thought very long, but as time continued, so did the persistence of this thought. I had them more frequently, and I truly imagined how the world could be better if I wasn’t in it. 

For a long time, I never told anyone of these thoughts. Not my therapist. Not my closest friends. Not even my own wife. Honestly, I don’t think I ever shared these thoughts in prayer to Jesus. I was ashamed and scared to admit I needed help, and I was a walking dead soul. 

Alone. 

That’s what I felt. Invisible. Empty. Cold. 

Then, one day the thought returned, and I saw my son’s face. I saw my daughter’s face. I saw my wife’s face. If I wasn’t here, I would never see their faces. That’s when it all changed for me. I knew that I needed help. I needed to take a step towards a healthy mind, and it took a risk on my part. I had to trust that whoever I told would not have any negative feelings towards me.

When I told my wife about these thoughts and how I needed help, my head was lower than my heart. But when she held me, she lifted my heart above her own and there I was comforted with a love that I believe was strengthened by the Holy Spirit.  When I called a pastor friend and colleague of mine, I trusted they would hear me. He did, and he got me the right help. I was in weekly counselling for over a year, and I was on depression medicine for a year as well. 

It feels like losing something

Sometimes taking a step feels like losing, and in some sense it is. You are losing something that is probably holding you down anyway, so why not lose it? While trusting someone with my thoughts felt like the biggest risk of my life, the greatest reward was that I’m living to write about it. 

You are not alone. You matter. 

Your mental health is an investment that is of great worth. So, take a risk and reap a great reward of telling your story of victory to someone else. There is no one like you. There has never been anyone like you. There will never be anyone like you. Do you know what that means?

You are a gift, and the greatest gift you could give to the world is: you. 

Take a step today, and I’ll be walking right beside you. 

Contributor: Jonathan Crabtree

BIO

Jonathan Crabtree is an ordained elder in the Mississippi (USA) Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church, currently living in Bristol, England whilst researching a PhD in Historical and Sacramental Theology at Trinity College Bristol. He is married to Kristina, and they are parents to Danika and Jon Andrew. When not researching, you can find him enjoying all things culturally British, including visiting Historic Landmarks, traveling, and worshiping and serving at Woodies Central. He enjoys his local pub, The Mouse, and learning about rugby (but never playing it!) You can find more information on the family ministry website: www.amonkstthetable.com