A GP, a pandemic and a piece of paper.
Carry on as usual
I have to admit that in January and February of 2020 I tried as much as possible to pretend that nothing was happening and try to carry on as usual! . I work as a GP in a large practice in North BristoI and in the middle of March I attended a large meeting of GPs in the locality where we were presented with data predicting large numbers of deaths in the next few months, it felt frightening and unbelievable. Within a few days, we had stopped all face to face appointments and the country was going into lockdown. I remember a surreal moment in the local supermarket where the headlines in the newspapers were predicting disaster and there was hardly any food (or toilet rolls! ) on the shelves. I started keeping a record of the numbers of cases and deaths and watched the numbers climb rapidly.
As a GP it’s easy to forget that behind the scenes we have to manage our own mental health, even as we are trying to advise and look after others. I started to feel a sense of anxiety over what I might be expected to do in the next few weeks; we were all worried about the risk of catching this new unknown disease from patients. I really did not like the change in working patterns and sense of loss of control and having to do everything over the phone.
Where is God?
As a Christian, my faith in God has always underpinned my life but I found myself asking: “where is God in this?” My church was putting on online services but I have to admit I struggled not being able to attend in person and missed the fellowship from house group meetings. Ultimately, I believe that a relationship with God can equip us to deal with and understand difficult situations and I had to think hard to keep my perspective as the pandemic gathered pace.
Then one day I was listening to an online service and the preacher was a young guy from a church I used to go to. I struggled to be lifted up by his words of encouragement when everything around seemed so terrible and uncertain but then he quoted from the Psalms in the bible. These simple words were written thousands of years ago but seem to still speak to human suffering and uncertainty. The preacher kept repeating two verses from Psalm 27 which began to reassure me of God’s love and provision for us:
Wait for the Lord.
I remain confident of this:: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living . Wait for the Lord; be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:13-14
I wrote out these verses on a scrap of paper and learnt them by heart. To be honest there are few bible verse that I can remember properly but the process of doing this in my difficult situation helped me to let the words gradually sink into my consciousness. I have kept that piece of paper on my desk ever since as a reminder of the certainty of the goodness of God and also his instruction to wait for him with a positive hope for the future.
One of the things doctors are aware of is the need for people to find a way to keep their perspective positive, for me my faith in God grounded me as the pressures increased.
As the pandemic progressed, routine work at the surgery went very quiet for a couple of months although we were still seeing ill people and I remember visiting a man at home who was very unwell. He had put off calling the doctor for a whole week because of the pandemic. I arrived on my bike and entered his house in full PPE gear, really worried he might have covid and scared that I wouldn’t quite know what to do. I had to send him into hospital and in the end, he did not have covid but pneumonia and a stroke. He made a full recovery and later sent me a card to say I had saved his life. I felt relieved and pleased that I had been able to help.
Then COVID came to my home. My son came home from university in March and brought the infection with him, I caught it too but both of us had mild versions. Unfortunately, my wife got it a week later and was ill in bed for several weeks with temperatures and physical exhaustion. We prayed! we believe her recovery was an answer to prayer and although it took three months for her to be back to normal, she has fortunately had no long-lasting effects. As a doctor, I knew that many healthy people were being admitted to hospital, some needing to go on ventilators, and I was acutely aware of the dangers that might lay ahead for her.
Isolation
Many of my patients mental health went downhill as the isolation set in, they struggled to cope without the support of family and friends. Young people were struggling to work or study from home and those with existing anxiety and depression often found their condition got worse. Some of my older patients found the technology of online and phone appointments hard to manage and really missed face to face contact with their own doctor.
I am still seeing many people who are struggling with mental health issues in the aftermath of the pandemic and if you identify with these problems, I would suggest three things that can help:
1. Spend some time in quiet meditation or prayer, learn to accept yourself as who you are whatever has happened, turn to God for help if you can.
2. Be kind to yourself; do something you enjoy even if it is just a hot bath or a good book or TV programme.
3. Regular exercise is always helpful, try to do this outside (even if it is raining!) and if possible, with other people.
In December of 2020, we were among the first practices in Bristol to be able give the initial dose of the Pfizer vaccine; the clinic was on a cold and snowy day, and we vaccinated over 400 of our most vulnerable and elderly patients, it felt great to be able to do something to help and people were very grateful for the vaccine. We ran lots more vaccine clinics over the second lockdown with plenty of doctors and nurses volunteering as there wasn’t much else going on.
Speedy delivery!
The vaccine was a tremendous hope for those who were at risk and a triumph for the scientists who developed it and the NHS teams who delivered the doses at such speed. People need hope and breakthrough at difficult times, and I believe that God offers a hope to all humanity which outweighs even the achievements of the vaccine.
As things are finally beginning to improve and we are starting to come out of the pandemic, it is good to look back and see God’s provision through all the difficulties. The bible talks about times of shaking, reassuring us that what is unshakeable will always remain. As a doctor I have seen first-hand the effects of that shaking both in my own life and those of my patients, but I am grateful for having been able to find God’s peace, I hope you too will accept the gift of peace that only God can bring.
“Let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship with reverence and awe “
Hebrews 12:28
Contributor: Jonathan Holdsworth GP